When I joined The Setonian two years ago, I would’ve never expected to find myself in the position I am today.
The girl I was when I joined was someone who was trying to improve writing skills, but The Setonian has taught me much more and brought me many unexpected gifts, much greater than sharpening my writing and leadership skills. I found myself growing in ways I didn’t know I needed to.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always struggled with negative thinking. Thoughts of “I’m not good enough,” to “I don’t think these people like me” have often plagued my mind. I have questioned everything, from if I said the wrong thing to if I made the wrong decision.
These thoughts didn’t disappear when I was first elected into my role as editor-in-chief. I was nervous to take charge because I thought nobody would take me seriously or respect my decisions.
I realized that if I wanted to be a strong, capable leader, I had to challenge this voice in my head.
Over this past year, I challenged myself to stand on my decisions and be true to them. To lead the 102nd editorial board in a way that was inspiring, but also accountable and considerate. This, at times, became overwhelming.
Moments of backlash and hate received for challenging The Setonian’s coverage made me feel like I should give up or back off, fueling that negative voice’s power. I knew I couldn’t let it.
Instead, I practiced reframing my thoughts. I’d tell myself, “I can weather this storm,” and “I will come out stronger.”
To me, this is like planting seeds.
Growth, obviously, can’t happen overnight, just like you can’t plant seeds and expect flowers right away. Everything, ultimately, takes time and patience.
You plant the seeds of improvement in yourself and you nurture them like how you give a plant water and sunlight. You wait for the metaphorical flowers to bloom within. You just have to trust that what you put into yourself is helping you grow, even if you don’t see it right away.
I realized that I’m planting seeds for the person I want to become, and although I wouldn’t see flowers right away, the time will come.
Through those moments of waiting for flowers, you may struggle. You may feel like you can’t make it to the end goal. You may wonder, “Why aren’t my flowers growing?”
Truth is, you aren’t being patient enough. You can’t grow flowers in a desert. You have to water them…you have to weather the bad times (like flowers do in winter) to get to the good—the bloom.
I’ve had some moments as editor-in-chief, weathering some pretty big storms (if you want to put it that way). But these things blossomed into some beautiful flowers—who I am today.
I saw the confidence, resilience, and power within myself. Instead of letting negative thoughts get me down, I got back up and stayed true to my vision, and kept on going.
I planted the seeds. I see the flowers. I see the change.
The Setonian taught me how to stand firm in myself, and challenge the mental limitations I put on myself. I’m grateful for this—I don’t think I would’ve learned it elsewhere.
And, I’m glad I never gave up. It was all worth it, for my beautiful flowers, but I believe I still have more blooming to do.
And to quote my favorite song:
“I’m not expecting to grow flowers in the desert / But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime.”
Dominique Mercadante is the Editor-in-Chief of The Setonian. She can be reached at dominique.mercadante@student.shu.edu.
