Valentine's Day is the day of love. The one day a year when partners, family, and friends show appreciation and love for one another.
Typically, husbands and boyfriends plan the entire day, filled with dozens of red roses, soft plush teddy bears, endless chocolates, and surprise dinner dates. Their girlfriend is spoiled endlessly with affection.
But what about the boyfriend? What does he get? Or should he even get something?
I’ve grown up seeing ideas of what boyfriends and husbands should do to show love and appreciation for their significant other. On social media, there were videos titled “15 different gift ideas for your girlfriend” or “This is what you should do for your girlfriend to make Valentine's Day special.” I rarely ever saw the girlfriend giving their boyfriend gifts or taking him somewhere special for the holiday.
On top of that, I was taught that the man always provided for the woman. As I grew up with the idea that only men should provide, I assumed other women also had this mindset.
I have since moved past this idea, but when I was younger, I grew up questioning: Should the girlfriend get their partner something or do something for them in return on Valentine's Day, and if so, what?
Valentine’s Day has slowly morphed from a holiday that was once meant for people to show their love and appreciation for everyone, to now being about how well men can please and show all the appreciation and love they have for their partner in one day. This stereotype has plagued and ultimately shaped the way many take part in celebrating the holiday. So I’m here to debunk the stereotype, see if people truly view it this way, and if it should change.
It is no secret that a guy will get something special and/or plan something special for his significant other to show his love on Valentine’s Day.
Society generally sees the holiday of love as a time for men to step up and “be the man.” Men are expected to take care of their partners by demonstrating to the world that they truly love and care for them. There seems to be a saturation of men giving to women, and there is a clear argument as to why society has structured the holiday to be so.
Some believe that it should be this way because women care and show admiration for their partner all year round. However, others state that there should be some form of reciprocation to this love on Valentine's Day.
“I don’t think that a girl needs to get a gift [for their significant other],” Martyna Kozdron, a sophomore biology major said
She agreed that while there is a stereotype of men for Valentine’s Day, she believes men should generally do more for the holiday.
“I think that girls specifically tend to always want to seek out gifts from the guy, and in terms of getting a gift for a guy, we don’t usually do that,” Kozdron said.
She also agreed that because women are known to generally care for and love their partners year-round, men can use this holiday to thank women and appreciate their constant love.
“Guys will use the holiday to one-up and use it to do something extra special for that one day when realistically it shouldn’t be like that because every day can be an emphasis on love,” she added.
However, Kozdron also said that “Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be one day. I think that every day could be Valentine's Day in a way.”
The general idea has been that the holiday gives men an opportunity to step up and reciprocate the love that women show all the time, but there is strong opposition to this ideology. Many believe it is unfair for women not to get anything for their partner.
The imbalance of reciprocation on Valentine’s Day can create an upset in one's relationship. There is this idea that if men do all these things for their partner, their girlfriend or wife should reciprocate in some way in return.
Junior journalism major Dylan Loanzo Valerio said there should be some form of reciprocation from a girl on Valentine’s Day.
“It’s a give-and-take sort of thing,” he said.
Valerio added that “it’s only fair” for a girl to get or do something for her partner, also agreeing with the stereotype of the holiday being for men to show appreciation.
“There is a stereotype where women tend to be a little bit more thoughtful, and Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for men in relationships to be thoughtful and get them something they deserve for how much they do,” Valerio said.
He further said that the stereotype has changed and impacted how it is celebrated.
“For a lot of men, I think it becomes something that they’re less looking forward to and something that they have to get done,” Valerio said. “That can be a negative thing because it should just be something that people remember and [are] gladly willing to celebrate.”
The expectations and strong stereotypes that have surrounded this holiday have ultimately changed what it means to show love. So what should couples do to fix this stereotype?
The holiday needs to stop with the battle between which gender should care more and who should be doing more for the other. Instead, there should be a meaningful and loving way in which each partner expresses their gratitude and love to one another.
Valerio said that it doesn’t always have to be the cliché romantic Valentine’s Day.
"Meaningful is the key term,” he explained. “Your person might just be happy with something that’s more personal to them.”
It can be hard for this stereotype to change, as every relationship has a different dynamic, but by really paying attention to their partners, being intentional, and giving meaningfulness behind each gift and gesture, Valentine’s Day can leave behind the gender battle, returning as the holiday of love.
Ashley Smith is the assistant editor of The Setonian’s Opinion section. She can be reached at
